20 Facts about Mentally Ill me

I am sorry it has been so long since I last posted.

I have been struggling recently. Not with eating, not with self harm, not even with anxiety (well obviously I do struggle with these, but I just mean these aren’t the main problem of recent). Nope, it’s depression. As per usual.

Today is one of those sleepless nights, so I thought I’d challenge one anxiety and write 20 facts on here.
I have written this at least 5 times but have never posted it, as every time I get nervous about one thing or another and I am just so very scared of being judged. BUT I thought I could challenge that and write it them post it straight away on here, where I am anonymous but in a supportive ‘bubble’, if you like.

This might be a bit too focused in mental health so sorry about that, but as this is what my blog is about I felt this was most appropriate. What is sad is that I didn’t write those 20 facts with that in mind, unfortunately most things these days seems to link to metal illness.

Anyway, here are 20 facts about me and I would love to hear more about you as readers, subscribers, likers, sharers and commenters; so please do feel free to tell me more about yourselves in the comments.

1) I always put others before myself
2) I have always worried lots
3) I tend to take on problems of the world
4) I want to make a difference
5) I want to make people happy
6) I can’t achieve 5 all the time so I always feel worthless
7) I punish myself in so many ways, though –
8) I have stopped self harming (I don’t count days as I find this triggering)
9) I often find myself longing to be thin again, even though –
10) I spent 9 months in hospital (partially inpatient, partially day patient).
11) I am desperate for people to like me
12) I feel hopeless most of the time
13) I’ve felt useless etc since about the age of 6 (bullying) so I do doubt I can change 10 years on
14) I set very high expectations for myself
15) My mental illnesses have taken away different aspects of my life, some of which I don’t think I’ll ever get back
16) I grew up all too quickly last year during both mine and my dad’s illness
17) Most people would not guess I have problems because I am great at hiding it
18) I struggle to ever be proud of anything I do
19) I see so many mistakes and problems with myself, but I only see the good in others
20) I don’t want to live, but recently I’ve realised I don’t want to die. Therefore I do not belong.

And a bonus fact 21) I find it difficult to separate myself from my illnesses and find normal teenage things hard to engage with.

And this, my fellow readers, is why I have few friends and why people take advantage of me.

I hope I get on top of the depression and procrastination (oh is it bad at the moment!) and write more posts this holiday.

Thanks for reading.

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3 thoughts on “20 Facts about Mentally Ill me

  1. Thanks for sharing! I know it takes courage.
    I know how you feel, so please, keep in mind, you ARE NOT your illness. Your illness is like an intruder that will go away, trust me.
    Know how they say: I’m okay & you’re okay?
    Well, scratch that!
    YOU’RE AMAZING & FABULOUS & AWESOME!
    Love, Gina

    Like

  2. Firstly your not alone, and please don’t apologise:) what you have written here I can totally identify with and have felt all of these things, sometimes all at once, which can make me a bit bonkers at times.

    It can take a long time in recovery to accept all the things about yourself, that as depressives we see as road blocks, and being open is especially hard as we often hide behind a mask, to keep us functioning day to day.

    Keep writing as you have something to add to the dialogue in bringing awareness about Mental Health to the fore.

    Like

  3. That wasn’t so scary after all, was it? Well done for using the sleepless night to write something constructive. Depression is such a dark cloud when you are in it, it makes us see the world is such a warped way, reality doesn’t get a look in. Be kind to yourself. Happy Holidays! 🙂

    Like

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