F for Faces

Sometimes when I can’t sleep I like to draw. Usually I draw on my ipad because then I don’t need to fuss about with getting my pencil case and notebook out (plus things never rub out properly and I always manage to get pencil marks on my bed!), but recently I got a calligraphy set which is very exciting!

So I drew some faces. I am awful at drawing faces (as you can see), so I usually go for abstract which avoids the need for them to look realistic!

I decided to test my calligraphy pens out in an unconventional way.. With my eyes shut! Half them are with my eyes open and bald with my eyes shut.. Bet you’d have a hard time guessing which was which though! (The iPad ones were drawn with my eyes open)

  

I remember having to do similar exercises in inpatient to try to challenge perfectionism, and as it’s pen you can’t rub it out! It was a bit challenging actually but I embraced the fact it wasn’t perfect and it helped distract me and go to sleep afterwards.

Drawing it a great way to distract yourself, and it can sometimes help you actually relaise how you are feeling. Sometimes I’m just so tired, overwhelmed and hopeless and I don’t know how I feel, and drawing somehow helps me calm down and gather my thoughts.

If you suffer from anxiety or an eating disorder where up need distracting after food, I really would give drawing a go. I don’t do it as often as I like but it’s a really great thing to try.

Thanks for reading.

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We’re all like stretchy yellow men sometimes..

I got given one of these wonderful stretchy yellow men by my friend the other day, it reminded me of when I was little, I loved buying little bits and bobs like that or winning them on the 2p machine at the Pier when I visited my granny.

But now when I see it, you stretch them too far and the smile looks like it’s going to break. Don’t you feel like that sometimes? That people are pulling and pushing you and one day you’re just going to snap?

Anyway, I played on this theme and did a drawing last night to distract myself as I was feeling a bit anxious.

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The black words are things we ‘say’ to people and the grey are things we really feel below it. Obviously no, we are not stretchy and don’t tell people to stretch us, but in the way we talk to others I’m sure at times we are making ourselves vulnerable to being hurt because we are sad and want others to be happy.. Or maybe that’s just me.

A poem:

A toy, she thought,
She pulled and tugged
She twisted and yanked
And pinged it about.

A toy, she thought

But when it snapped
She cried and screamed
Ripped it inside and out

The mother came in,
Swept it away
Hugged her daughter
Bought a new one for a new day

But the cracks are already there,
Beginning to show

How long will it be
Until the cracks start to grow?

How long until,
The stretchy man cannot hide
Those fractures and pains
All bottled up inside.

And how long until
The little girl knows
That man is not a toy
He’s the pain inside us that grows?

Sorry for the random post, I’d be interested to see if people agreed with me though, do you ever feel like that?

This week has been tough on so many levels, just want it all to stop but I know if I want that then I have to keep fighting through. Any motivation would be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading.

The monster of mental health [my original artwork]

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I wanted a way to express myself other than destructive things or writing things down where I would dwell even more on my thoughts. Doing this piece of art has been a big release and helps me identify how I feel.

This is my idea and I didn’t use a reference, I’m not very good at art but I like how this turned out I think.. To me it helps represent the thoughts and feelings that come with depression, eating disorders, and other mental health issues where you feel isolated and overwhelmed.
If more people knew what it felt like and how hard it was, people would be more accepting, understanding and supportive? You can always hope.

I had so many things to write, I didn’t even fit them all in!

[Reposts and reblogs are welcome, but please give credit]

Thanks for reading.

Life is like a loo roll [my original analogy]

Life is like a loo roll. I bet you’re thinking “how on earth is life possibly like a loo roll?! That’s ridiculous! Well yes and no. It may sound it at first, but if you read my post maybe your perspective will change. I’d be interested to know your thoughts/ opinions, so do comment below what you thought!

So, life is like a loo roll.

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A loo roll is made up of hundreds of sheets, joined together and wrapped around the core in layers.
It’s there for everything, from doing your business to wiping tears from a sad film or emotional time. You can clear up dirt or spilt paint with it, whatever you wish.
You can take individual sheets or several at once, but if you pull them too hard and aren’t careful, the whole thing can unravel and fall to the floor.
Then you have to spend the time and effort rolling it back up, helping its last little bit flop back over onto the roll. Sometimes you do it well and sometimes you do it badly; if it’s done badly then the loo roll can be more prone to unraveling again, or can just not be quite the same neat roll it was before.

I believe life is very much like this.

You as a person are made up of core values, thoughts, feelings, and morals; much like the layers of the loo roll. Each individual sheet is a thought/feeling/value that you have, about yourself or the world around you.

You are there for others. You’re there to comfort others, you’re the one they rely on and you share both good and bad times with. The blowing away the tickle in your nose on a hot sunny day, and the drying of their tears as you hug each other for comfort during challenging times. That’s what friends are for.

People can use you to do their dirty work. They can say mean comments or a snide remark, just like they’ve ripped a sheet of tissue off your roll suddenly, and the roll spins a bit because of the sudden impact. People can treat you like shit (brilliant pun if I do say so myself), and it is hard.

Unfortunately there’s only so much people can take, and when too many things happen (such as bullying, difficult situations, family or friendship issues, low self esteem; you get the idea), we just can’t take it. We aren’t prepared. It’s like someone’s ripped too many pieces off the roll too quickly and too violently, and suddenly it spins out of control and unravels.

Sometimes people don’t even notice.
Have you ever been to the loo, come out etc, only to come back a while later and find the whole loo roll has unravelled? And you don’t remember this happening at all?
I really think people are like that. Often it happens too quickly or people just don’t see what’s really going on, and before they know it that person is no longer ‘*happy’.

That person needs support and help to build themselves back up and step around the obstacle. It’s just like wrapping the sheets back around the roll. It takes a while to wrap the sheets back around, but with help it can be done.

Yes, sometimes when you’ve helped and the loo roll is back in place, it isn’t quite the same, and some people are different after they’ve been through difficult times. But often these changes aren’t a bad thing. Sometimes people can grow as a person, learn things about themselves they didn’t know before, and finally realise that there are many people out there who care about them and are willing to help.

I guess you can explain eating disorders, anxiety, depression, bipolar, any mental illnesses at all in this way, because at the end of the day with the right support you can recover from them and live a fulfilling life, sometimes you just need a bit of help to start you rolling back up, the. Then you’re off!

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*I put ‘happy’ in quotation marks because no one can be happy all the time, it’s impossible. But you can be largely happy, more about inner confidence and a healthy approach to life than anything else.

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I really hope that made sense and I did that analogy justice, because (without wishing to sound big headed as I did make it up) it is one of my favourite analogies because it makes me believe that things can change and I can ravel myself back up, but it’s also realistic in the fact that yes, if you don’t recover ‘properly’ you are more prone to relapse. But none of these things are unbeatable, and although hard times are horrible and can affect us, we can get through it. I guess that’s the message of this post really; life is hard but we can deal with it.

Anyway, I could go on forever. Personally I think there are just so many way this applies to life and the more I think about it the more I can add to the analogy and the more I feel like I understand life.. Weird huh?

I really hope you enjoyed this post.

Thanks for reading.

Shackled to life

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Drawn on 24/11/2013.

I had to edit over my signature as this is an anonymous blog and I didn’t want to share my full name, so sorry about that. Apart from that, the photo is unedited.

I’m not great at drawing but I would love to know your thoughts on this.
For me, drawing and poetry both really helped and continue to help me express myself. They don’t have to be amazing works of art/literature; mine personally were just for me to see and to feel like the emotions were ok to feel? I don’t know if that makes sense. Basically, there is no need to ignore emotions, because they are important and it’s ok to feel upset or down.

We wouldn’t know happiness if we had never first felt sadness.

In this particular drawing I was feeling hopeless and trapped, with nowhere to go and constantly being judged and imprisoned in my mind (link to the blog name!) , and constantly tied to your illness with no separation of you vs. your illness. I also felt (and still feel) trapped in life, not being able to leave, and feeling stuck in a world where you don’t belong.
And, for me, this is what the drawing represents.

If you’d like to use this drawing please go ahead, but make sure you give this blog credit and link it here.

Thanks for reading.