For the first time [original poem]

I wrote this as my own lyrics to ‘For The First Time’ by The Script, though it can also be read as a poem (if you take out the repeats at the end).

My lyrics are about the battle in my head and my thoughts with anorexia and depression. It isn’t triggering but of course isn’t jolly either, so if you wanted something lighthearted it might not be quite right for you.

Please tell me what you think of it and if you want me to publish more song lyrics/poems/writing in the future.

***

I’m scared and I’m lost and I can’t be found
I’m low but I am stuck on the ground
And I can’t get up
Every time I try I just fall again
Keep fooling for the same, just the same mistakes
Trying to recover, but man these times are hard

I’m crying ’till the tears dry out
I’m fighting but my hope is running out
And I don’t know how
I can win the war when the battle’s fail
When I eat my feelings go off the scale
Trying to recover, but man these times are hard

I don’t know if I should give up or keep trying more
Restless nights of heart being torn
Tangled mind but quiet, tranquil thoughts, thoughts, oh
Silent but streaming tears, friends I’ve had for all these years
Will leave me, as I left them with depression, for the last year

She’s trying but her patience is running out
She’s smiling, but behind it she feels trapped
And she feels alone
Though she laughs she only feels this pain
She wishes and longs not to feel this way
Trying to recover, but man these times are hard

But I still can’t cope, I’m struggling through the false smiles
Even running miles and miles when my parents leave me for a while, a while, yeah
Don’t know what I’m going to say If they ask if I’m ok
Because the answer will hurt them, like I’m hurting

Watching as my bmi
Goes down from sky high ’till the number is much too small, too small, yeah
It just keeps getting lower and lower, it scares me to know that
This sensation could kill me, but it’s addictive

[*Alternative verse*]
Cuts bleeding down my wrists
Hide it cause I cannot risk somebody seeing them at all, at all, yeah
Forever it will haunt and scare them,to see how I keep it in
And let myself suffer for the sake of others

So many times
Oh, so many times
Yeah, for so many times
I’ve tried, to get my life back, and recover so many times

Oh, recovery, yeah, it’s so hard you can’t see
How much pain that it gives me
Oh, recovery, yeah, it’s so hard you can’t see
How much pain that it gives me

Oh, recovery, yeah, it’s so hard you can’t see
How much pain that it gives me
Oh, recovery, yeah, it’s so hard you can’t see
How much pain that it gives me

***

Thanks for reading

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